It appears that I have been destined to join an exclusive club – one whose membership includes W.C. Fields, J.P. Morgan, and Bill Clinton.
No, not the Illuminati (though with noses like ours, we could smell a conspiracy coming a mile away. Maybe two or three miles…)
I’m talking about rhinophyma. This is a medical condition where your nose decides to become the main character of your face without consulting the rest of your features.
“Look like Jimmy Durante” was not something I expected on my BINGO Card of Life.
Now, luckily, I have not reached full Elephant Man stage, but I am sure that Charles Dickens might use my schnoz as a character study for Old Fezziwig in “Christmas Carol.”
Lately it has been taking up more real estate than originally allocated. It’s gotten so ambitious, it’s actually interfering with its primary function – breathing. If I take a deep breath, the top portion of my nostrils collapse, making inhaling risky at times.
Yes, I have had examinations. It first manifested way back in 2012. Since 2016, I have been to various dermatologists, eye specialists, and even two plastic surgeons. I am not in pain from it, thankfully, but I figure it does give small children nightmares. (I am sorry about that.)
I am afraid that, without the surgery, I will have to start writing gothic novels. In the dark. In a room without mirrors. Alone. (At least I’ve already got the Phantom of the Opera aesthetic starting – though I’d prefer not to take it to the full mask stage.)
I am trying to get surgery for this condition this year. In late February, I have another visit with a specialist.
And this is where you can help.
As an independent author, I’ve got books that’ll keep you entertained.
Or, you can Donate, if you’re feeling generous.
Please use THIS QR Code
Already own my books? Thank you! Get some for your friends.
What you get:
- Great books at regular prices
- The satisfaction of helping someone breathe easier
- If you are at a book festival, I will sign a copy for free. (If you wish, I am sure I can come up with at least one witty nose-oriented pun, for an additional small donation.)
- I am considering adding very generous donors as characters in my series “Markov’s Hexameron.” hit me up, and we can chat about how that might work.
- Updates on my journey back to normal breathing
Help an author keep their nose in books, rather than having it steal the show. Because right now, my nose is writing checks my face can’t cash!